| I don't like this. |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|08:11 pm] |
It makes me feel weird. I liked it better when we hung out and talked. About music, and life and shit. Not anxiously awaiting (anklosis heart) your hands around my waist, the warmest feeling proceeding the kisses, yours fueled by loss, mine fueled by a genuine bond I've made to your warm little heart. Fuck that, really. I love being your friend. I've got all the credibility in the world to be that. But let's not mix things up. I'm a few steps ahead in a recovery. I'm not touch and go. You're still a little imprisoned. I don't want to be the receiver of a broken heart, or a broken hearted boy.
koala bears. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2008|03:47 pm] |
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I'll not put my trust in the faint of heart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|11:59 pm] |
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When will it be more than keep on keeping on? When can I be confident that I am not alone in this world? How can I believe a word anyone says? Life is about the people you have in it, and every wise person, and every person learned in that lesson, knows that. No man is an island. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2007|11:58 pm] |
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The tepid wind is blowing to the east and to the west. It is blowing the leaves up and down the street; the leaves that are supposed to be orange, yellow, and red. They are brown instead. I wore my jacket out on the porch, it seemed customary. I thought I was cold on my way home earlier, but I’m sure of it now, it was radiating from you, and I magnified it and bounced it right back. Now that I am alone, I’m warm. Leaving your company was all it took to get rid of my aching back. What a bitch. 2 whole weeks with a back so sore it brought tears to my eyes. It was all stress. I magnify your cold, aloof demeanor and send it back your way, and you magnify my stress, good or bad, and morph it into negative energy. You do this and you shove the whole of it right down my throat. My life doesn’t revolve around you, sweet darling. I thought you knew that. My heart is giant, bright red, swollen, and it’s the oven that kept you warm for the past 3.5 years. How dare you mention those 3 and a half years to your friends. What’s the point? I’m your arm candy? Your ornament? Your comfort? I don’t fear it, but I’m pretty sure you will never know how fortunate you were for having such a caring and understanding significant other. Past the point where we say we are the other’s best friend. Past the point where we talk each other up to our contacts, beaming. I am not fortunate to have this backache, this headache, this heartache. My toes are turning a bluish purple. I’d like my oxygen back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|08:45 pm] |
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After my mom's recent remarriage and all the stressful shit I haven't been doing anything I want to do and I feel like a sluggish jerk. I'm going on vacation to California on the 24th. I don't know how I'm going to do it, I feel hopeless at this point. I'm so unmotivated. I feel like the middle of a rubber-band ball. |
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